I joined an online pranayama class this weekend. During the discussion, this morning, another participant and I talked about grieving and healing. After our discussion, I realized that I have to do more healing in my life.
My oldest daughter struggles with alcoholism. “One is addicted…many are affected.” Lately, I’ve been thinking about her childhood. Part of me blames myself for her alcoholism. I feel like I was not a very good parent. My daughter reassures me that I was a wonderful mom, but part of me thinks I could have done better. I was a young mom – only twenty years old when she was born. I was immature in so many ways, and I was clueless about raising a child.
I need to heal this wound inside me and stop blaming myself. I have tremendous hope for my daughter to become sober. She has so many good qualities and talents. Most people that meet her say she is so charming and kind. She’s an artist who paints amazing flowers and scenery (see one of my favorite paintings above).
For me to heal, I need to have a heart-to-heart conversation with my daughter. It won’t be easy. I want to use the Five Healing Phrases (see below). I want to tell her that I am sorry. I’m sorry for not helping her increase her self-esteem when she was in her teens and early twenties. Then I will say, please forgive me for any time I was not there to support her. Next, I will tell her “thank you” for bringing joy and beauty into my life. I will end with telling her that I love her and I bless her. I know I will say more when I am in my daughter’s presence.
Here are the Five Healing Phrases:
- I’m sorry
- Please forgive me
- Thank you
- I love you
- I bless you
Do you need healing in your life? Can you be open and honest with yourself? It takes courage to face your wounds.
My goal is to reach self-realization and enlightenment. To do this, I have to face my wounds, shadows, and negative energy. I am grateful to have yin and yang elements (darkness and lightness). I can grow with the balance of these energies.
I am also growing through my daughter’s alcoholism. Yes, it hurts, and I feel helpless at times. But I also see the light and hope in my daughter’s eyes. I know loving her is the greatest gift that I can give her.