A few nights ago, during a dream, I looked into the mirror and said, “I am changing.” I can feel that I am changing on the inside and out. In April, I joined a women’s year-long shamanic study group. I decided to join the group because I am ready for the next step in my spiritual development.
I am changing on the outside. I am keenly aware that I am getting older. Part of me needs to grieve that my youth is gone and I am entering a new phase in my life. I am working on feeling secure inside and value my accumulated talents and abilities.
I am thinking about going gray. I’ve earned my gray hair. I realize that if I let my hair go gray, I might look older. Most of my friends and family tell me to color my hair. I realize society pushes women to look younger.
I read that most women feel powerful when they go gray. Interestingly, people say men look distinguished when they go gray. Society says it’s okay for men to feel distinguished and powerful, but women should only strive to be young and beautiful.
Right now, we live in a patriarchal society (false yang) – a society where men are making the rules. I think most women want to have natural hair. It is time for women to take their power back and live in a society where we can be ourselves.
Remember, according to Taoism, the twin forces (yin and yang) are in combat seeking to overcome each other – it’s out of balance. However, if we want to transcend into a balanced society, we must value and respect each other.
I’m not sure, yet, if I will go gray or not. I’m going to let it grow out and see what I think. I am tired of dying my hair, and the chemicals are not good for my health or for the environment.
I am changing on the inside. I know my adventure in shamanic studies will encourage me to grow. I already see reality differently. Now I need to embrace my new consciousness and train my mind.
I feel like I am going through a test. It could be related to my shamanic studies. My mind’s sensitive lately and harder to control. I noticed that I have more negative thoughts when I spend time on my cell phone. This morning my intuition told me to be careful of subliminal messages.
My Buddhist teacher, Bhante Sathi (triplegem.org), says do not let your mind wander like a wild horse. Learn to take hold of the reins and direct your thoughts. Meditation can helps us harness the mind.
Getting lost in some train of thought won’t lead you to the truth – it’s not wisdom. – Ven. Ajahn Chah