alcoholism

What needs Healing in your Life?

/ Tunnel Vision 8

I joined an online pranayama class this weekend. During the discussion, this morning, another participant and I talked about grieving and healing. After our discussion, I realized that I have to do more healing in my life.

My oldest daughter struggles with alcoholism. “One is addicted…many are affected.” Lately, I’ve been thinking about her childhood. Part of me blames myself for her alcoholism. I feel like I was not a very good parent. My daughter reassures me that I was a wonderful mom, but part of me thinks I could have done better. I was a young mom – only twenty years old when she was born. I was immature in so many ways, and I was clueless about raising a child.

I need to heal this wound inside me and stop blaming myself. I have tremendous hope for my daughter to become sober. She has so many good qualities and talents. Most people that meet her say she is so charming and kind. She’s an artist who paints amazing flowers and scenery (see one of my favorite paintings above).

For me to heal, I need to have a heart-to-heart conversation with my daughter. It won’t be easy. I want to use the Five Healing Phrases (see below). I want to tell her that I am sorry. I’m sorry for not helping her increase her self-esteem when she was in her teens and early twenties. Then I will say, please forgive me for any time I was not there to support her. Next, I will tell her “thank you” for bringing joy and beauty into my life. I will end with telling her that I love her and I bless her. I know I will say more when I am in my daughter’s presence.

Here are the Five Healing Phrases:

  • I’m sorry
  • Please forgive me
  • Thank you
  • I love you
  • I bless you

Do you need healing in your life? Can you be open and honest with yourself? It takes courage to face your wounds.

My goal is to reach self-realization and enlightenment. To do this, I have to face my wounds, shadows, and negative energy. I am grateful to have yin and yang elements (darkness and lightness). I can grow with the balance of these energies.

I am also growing through my daughter’s alcoholism. Yes, it hurts, and I feel helpless at times. But I also see the light and hope in my daughter’s eyes. I know loving her is the greatest gift that I can give her.

Namaste, world.

Dark Cloud

/ Tunnel Vision 8 / Leave a comment

 

clouds2

 

I have something I want to share. I feel uncomfortable sharing this information, but I am ready to face the situation. Here it goes: My 26-year-old daughter, Brenna, is an alcoholic. It’s hard for me to share this information because of my feelings of sadness and helplessness. I express my love to my daughter as much as I can. I hope that she will get treatment soon and recover. Her dad and I gave her a lot of treatment options. Now she needs to take the next step.

One is addicted…many are affected.

The whole family is affected by alcoholism. It’s a dark cloud, but there’s hope. Behind the dark cloud is a blue sky.

Buddhist monk, Ajahn Chah, says, “Whatever is pleasurable, delicious, exciting, good, is just that much; it has its limit, it is not as if it is anything outstanding.” The monk, obviously, did not have any children. Having a child is truly an outstanding experience. A mother and her child have a strong connection that lasts a lifetime.

When I look at my daughter, I see beauty. Even though she has a severe problem, I still see my beautiful child. It’s easy to judge someone, but as a spiritual person, I honor the spirit within.

I acknowledge that it’s very hard to see my daughter struggle with alcoholism. As a parent, I have so many emotions, dreams, wishes, and hopes for my child.

 I want to see the blue sky.

(The photo below is a painting by my daughter, Brenna.)
clouds3

What can we do when life becomes challenging?

  • Talk to a friend or a counselor or join a support group.
  • Understand the impermanence of everything. “Life is changing, it is a bundle of elements and energies which are always changing.” – Ven. Dr. K. Sri Dhammananda
  • Remember, “This too shall pass.”
  • Meditate to become calm in all situations. Practice deep breathing.
  • Use your energy to serve (volunteer or support something that is meaningful to you).
  • Become a your own problem solver. Cultivate perseverance. Don’t give up.
  • Remember “wisdom comes through understanding.” – Ven. Dr. K. Sri Dhammananda
  • Remember you are not alone.
  • Increase your self-care.
  • Eat chocolate – at least that’s what I do. 🙂
  • Time will heal our wounds.
  • Find a sangha or a spiritual community. “Spiritual backing is absolutely necessary for man’s spiritual upliftment, leading to tranquility of mind and everlasting happiness.” – Ven. Dr. K. Sri Dhammananda’

When life is challenging, that is when I learn the most. Can I breathe into the discomfort? Can I be present? Can I allow the discomfort of the situation transform me?

There can be no rainbow without a cloud and a storm. – Ven. Dr. K. Sri Dhammananda

Namaste, world.