When I was at the ayahuasca retreat, our shaman teacher gave us the option to see Donna (not her real name), who offered coca leaf readings for $100.00. The coca leaf comes from the cocaine plant, and many Peruvians chew the leaves. I was curious about Donna after one of the retreat attendees said it was worth having the reading done. She also said Donna was very open – she told the retreat attendee that she’s often too tired to have sex – her boyfriend is 20 years younger than her.

On my way to see Donna, a Peruvian woman who spoke perfect English, I walked with a retreat assistant for 10 minutes through the lush jungle, the sun shining through the branches, and heat mixing with the smell of moss. Upon arrival at her home, a large Brazilian Mastiff greeted us. I was a little frightened because I didn’t know if the dog was friendly or not.

Donna’s boyfriend, a tall man with a long black ponytail, took me into their cozy house to wait for Donna. I noticed a small kitchen with a yellow teapot, a fur rug on the floor outlining a small coffee table, and wooden stairs made with deer antlers leading up to the second floor.

When Donna was ready for me, her boyfriend came to pick me up. I followed him outside to meet Donna. Donna was a petite woman with gray hair pulled into a messy ponytail. She had a sleeveless purple shirt, capris, and no shoes. I followed her to a small maloca (a circular building with wooden supports in the shape of a hexagon). She said I could take off my shoes, which I did.

As I entered the maloca, I noticed white sand beneath my feet. In the center of the maloca, a small table and two cushions were placed. Donna invited me to sit. I sat across from her as my feet sank into the sand. Donna said she wanted sand in her maloca because it helps to ground the people who visit her. She continued to say that many times we want to see the ocean, but it’s the sand that makes us feel good. So, she had a vision to put sand in her “office.”

I brought three small bundles of white sage to give to Donna as a gift. She was happy to receive them. My shaman teacher said they don’t have sage in Peru.

Donna asked me to grab a bunch of dried coca leaves from her zippered pouch. Then she instructed me to hold the leaves between my palms and blow on them three times. After I blew on them with my warm air, I opened my palms to let the leaves fall onto the table.

I looked at Donna as she stared at the leaves. She asked me, “Are you a healer?” I said, “Yes, in a Western sense of the word. I work for a hospital helping people who are dying.” Donna shook her head as she understood.

Donna said, “The leaves tell me you take on too much sadness from your patients and their families. But I also see you were born a healer.” I wasn’t expecting her to say I was a healer. But I was pleasantly surprised that she was intuitive. At that moment, I felt a deep connection to Donna. She also told me to look up paintings by Alex Grey. She said he captures the human spirit in his paintings.

I had prepared four questions in my small dollar store notebook. The first one was, “Is there anything I need to work on for my spiritual development?”

Donna said I need to breathe. She said, “Breath is spirit, and you need to connect with your spirit without any concepts.” She continued to say that meditation will help me. In my head, I agreed with her.

Then she looked at me with concern. She asked me, “Why do you doubt yourself so much? You need to stop that!” I agreed with her – I do doubt myself sometimes. I also get into my head way too much. I need to let go more.

My second question was, “Do you have any insights on my marriage?” Donna smiled a little. She said my husband, Jeff, is a good man, and he loves me very much. She also said I should stay married to him, and we were married in a previous past life.

Donna encouraged me to have more fun with my husband and to breathe together. My thoughts went back to when we were dating. I remember Jeff and me lying together in bed, in my newly rented townhouse, with the soft light of the sunset. I felt warm as we held each other and practiced tantric breathing. We would breathe together on the inhale and the exhale, creating a natural rhythm.

The third question was about my job: “Any messages about my job?” Donna encouraged me to think about starting my own business (like a death doula). She also said I have too much education. I need to focus on spirit and not on more education. I have everything I need to work with people who are dying. Instead of seeking more education, I need to work with my intuition, open my heart, and mind. I need to work on staying in the present moment.

My final question was, “How can I become enlightened in this lifetime?” Donna said I must let go and return to spirit. She said we have things backward. We should cry when a baby is born because of the challenging life that awaits, and be happy for people who die because they are done with their journey on earth.

She didn’t answer my question directly – whether I will become enlightened in this lifetime. Instead, she said that this is her last life on earth – she will not be returning. Maybe she has reached enlightenment.

Donna answered all my questions. I gave her $100 in US cash (which I thought was a lot of money for a thirty-minute reading). She placed the cash under her tablecloth. We both stood up, and Donna led me out of the maloca.

I found the coca reading intriguing, and I’m glad I decided to do it. There are some things to consider, especially her comments about my marriage and returning to Spirit. I am working on positive thoughts and letting go of things in the past.

Namaste.