Several weeks ago, as I woke up from sleep, I had a vision. I saw a tunnel about three inches in diameter open up near my forehead (third eye area). I heard a “snap” as it briefly opened up for a second. I saw a ring of light around the circle, and in the center of the circle were white, twinkling stars in a black background.
AI generated from my sketch.
I’ve never had a vision like that before. I wasn’t scared, but I also didn’t feel ready to go “down that rabbit hole.” I even questioned if I was ready to dive deeper into my spirituality.
To calm my nervous system, I practiced Ujjayi Pranayama. Here is the practice:
Start to breathe in and out through your nose, naturally (mouth closed).
Then take a slow, deep breath through both nostrils. The passage of the incoming air is felt on the back of the palate and makes an oceanic sound (sa). The sound is audible and loud enough to be heard.
Exhale slowly, deeply, as the outgoing air is felt on the back of the palate and makes a sound (ha).
Repeat the cycle for five to ten minutes.
Ujjayi breathing sounds like the ebb and flow of the ocean.
Ujjayi Pranayama is also helpful when practicing yoga, especially during pain when stretching. I remember reading years ago that yoga can give the practitioner the skills to work with pain.
One more thing, emotions are very powerful. We can use our emotions to send out our intentions into the universe. If you feel a strong emotion, send out a prayer with that emotion as a catalyst for change.
Before I went on the Ayahuasca retreat, I knew it would be a challenging retreat. But that’s what I wanted. It would be different from a typical yoga retreat, offering relaxation, gourmet food, and sightseeing. I remember the quote, “Like tea, you don’t know how strong you are until you’re put in boiling water.”
8 Things I learned from an Ayahuasca retreat:
Trust myself. I trust myself but also ask for help when I need it.
Listen to my intuition – My heart and mind will nudge me to make the best decisions for myself and my family. I want to open my mind even more! I ask, “Spirit, what do you want of me?”
It’s okay to feel “unhinged.” During the retreat, I was an emotional mess. I felt uncomfortable at times. But during the storm, I am learning to take shelter. I also need to prepare for stormy weather. Do I have everything I need to make it through? I continue to learn from life.
Be in the present moment—My breath connects me to the present moment. I can feel the air pass through my nostrils. When I meditate, I focus on the inside of my nose. The nostrils serve as the center of balance and the intersection of yin (left side) and yang (right side) energy. These energies meet and open up the third eye (between the eyebrows).
Find ways to calm my nervous system – I need to feel embodied. I’ve learned that I must start with my body to calm my nervous system, such as through yoga and qigong. I also need divine meditation to purify my mind – it’s the only way to clear my mind.
It’s okay to be alone – Even though I have family and friends in my life, the truth is that I journey in this life solo. I was born solo, and I will die solo. The truth is that I am responsible for my spiritual development. No one can do it for me. I must realize I am alone.
Make my husband and family a priority – During the retreat, I realized that I take my husband for granted. Now, with clear eyes, I see how much he loves me, and I love him. I am so grateful to my husband and family.
Let go – Wow! I didn’t realize that I have way too many thoughts. It’s time for me to LET GO. The more I let go, the more I can be in the present moment. Also, I want to let go of my external world. I don’t want to worry about how many friends I have or what I say to people. I know that I am working with good intentions. After I let go of my external world, I will let go of my internal world (attachment to thoughts).
I am grateful to have learned these lessons. I have renewed intentions to deepen my yoga and meditation practice as well. My focus is on balancing the connection between my body and mind. I want to redesign myself into a brave, intuitive, loving, and mindful person.
To love fully, we must remove fear and pride. - Angeles Arrien
The Buddhist Metta Sutta tells a story about 500 monks who went into the jungle to practice meditation:
Approximately 500 monks who had gone into the jungle to practice meditation were disturbed and frightened by certain spirits. Whereupon they returned and reported the matter to the Buddha. The Buddha then advised the monks to return to the same place, armed with the sword of Metta (loving-kindness) for their protection.
The monks returned to the jungle and radiated their lovingkindness to the jungle and those spirits. Thereafter, they continued with their meditation without any hindrance. These same spirits who had earlier created disturbances later repented and paid their respects to the monks.
This is, therefore, an important Sutta to recite and radiate your loving-kindness to every living being. By doing so, you can overcome any disturbances, find peace and happiness, and help others live peacefully by practicing this great virtue. (From the book, “Daily Buddhist Devotions, by Venerable K Sri Dhammananda.)
Lately, I’ve been practicing a loving-kindness meditation at night, before I go to sleep, or in the morning before I get up. Here is the meditation: Loving-Kindness Meditation: To begin, you can sit or lie down. When you are comfortable, take a deep breath. Feel your breath expand the body, and then relax. Focus on the words “loving-kindness” in your heart (chest area). At first, do not think about sending loving-kindness to anyone – just feel the love in your heart. Let there be space in your mind. After a few minutes of focus, you can expand the loving-kindness to yourself, your family and friends, pets, and all living beings. You can close the meditation by bringing your palms together, creating a sense of balance in the body. Or you can rest your hands on your chest.
In this turbulent world, how do you keep calm and loving? How do you protect yourself from outside energy and influences? Please leave a comment (see above near the title).
I just got back from a 11-day ayahuasca retreat in Tarapoto, Peru. I was nervous about going on the retreat because I would be far from home and experimenting with an unknown plant medicine. I remember my husband, Jeff, saying to me before I left, “Don’t do anything stupid.”
A week before I went to Peru, I stopped by my parents’ grave marker and asked them to keep me safe while I was there. And now that I’m back, I feel like I was protected.
The retreat center is on the edge of the regional conservation of Cordillera (the edge of the Amazon). The lush forest is full of animals, birds, and insects. At night and during the day, I could hear different kinds of birds, roosters, monkeys, and coyotes. The forest is never quiet. The mosquitoes were out in full force, and they loved me!
The goal of the Ayahuasca retreat is a purify the physical, mental, and spiritual bodies so Mother Ayahuasca can do her work. The main reason to do ayahuasca is to become strong and experience transformation. Many people want to seek solutions to their depression, physical aliments, and drug addictions.
During the retreat, eight other participants and I followed a strict diet (no oil, salt, sugar, or meat) and a digital detox (no cell phone for eight days). We weren’t allowed to use beauty or bath products. To keep the mosquitoes away, we used a natural citronella spray.
I had several conflicts about taking ayahuasca. First, I don’t like taking psychedelics. And second, as a Buddhist, I’m not allowed to take any intoxicants. Honestly, I had doubts as soon as I arrived at the retreat center. I wish I had gone on the yoga retreat instead.
The retreat felt more like an “ayahuasca boot camp.” Many times, I felt peer pressure to take ayahuasca. The shamans treated ayahuasca like liquid gold, and it would cure everything. However, as a tourist and Westerner, I did not grow up in the Amazon. My relationship with plants is different—I didn’t grow up drinking ayahuasca like the shamans did.
I was also given a second plant medicine called “Boa Waska.” The shaman said it will help me open my chakras (the boa is like the kundalini). I was instructed to take it in the morning and before sleeping. It tasted like dark rum. I ended up taking it occasionally.
During the retreat, there were four ayahuasca ceremonies (two during the day and two at night). The first ceremony was at night. I remember feeling anxious about taking ayahuasca. A black and orange butterfly landed on my shoulder as I walked along the path from the cafeteria. I took it as a good sign – that I would be okay with my first ayahuasca ceremony. The butterfly is one of my spirit guides.
The ceremonies were held in a large circular building called a “maloca.” Each person had two mats, a pillow, and a blanket. There was also an ice cream bucket and a roll of toilet paper. Before I entered the maloca, I was smudged with tobacco smoke. There were two shamans and four helpers. The helpers brought people to the bathrooms or filled their water bottles.
Maloca – gathering place for ceremonies
We all began on our mats. Each person was offered Rape (a powdered combination of dried tobacco, ash, and herbs administered up the nose) and special eye drops. I tried Rape up only my left nostril and I didn’t do the eye drops. Then, each person, one by one, went up to take the cup of ayahuasca. When I went up, the shaman asked me how I was feeling and how much I wanted to take. I said, “I was nervous and wanted a small amount.” Ayahuasca is mixed with chacruna, and it tastes like thick molasses.
Then I went back to my mat to meditate. The ayahuasca made me feel dizzy with a mild burning sensation in my stomach. Most people take enough ayahuasca that they eventually vomit or have diarrhea. Ayahuasca creates an inner volcano that eventually erupts.
I sat and cried a little after repeating, in my mind, “Mama Ayahuasca.” I was crying because when I said, “mama,” it reminded me of my mom who recently passed away.
Eventually, I received the message to let my mom and dad go. It was time, and I didn’t want to hold them back energetically. Then I had a vision. I saw a gold cross in a tunnel, and my parents were walking towards it. It was a peaceful image, and it made sense that I saw a cross, given that my parents were Catholic. However, the cross is seen all over the world. The cross has a Christian meaning, but it can also represent the human body, the four cardinal directions, eternal life, female anatomy, the chakras, and the union of heaven and earth.
My vision during the ayahuasca ceremony (AI generated from my sketch).
During each ceremony, the shaman sings Icaros – magical songs. The shaman comes to each person to sing directly to them (for about 15 minutes). I hummed along to open up my chakras, especially my throat chakra.
After the ceremony, I had a headache and I felt slightly nauseous. When I lay down to sleep, my heart was racing. I felt anxiety, and I wished I hadn’t taken ayahuasca.
That night, I dreamt that an older shaman gave me medicine in cream-colored powder. The shaman had straight black hair in a bob and was dressed in colorful traditional clothing. My dreams, during the retreat, were vivid and memorable.
The second ayahuasca ceremony was during the daytime. I decided to hold the cup but not drink the ayahuasca. However, as I sat on my mat, I could feel the energy of the people around me. I kept reminding myself to “keep my health and follow my intuition.”
On Sunday night, June 8, I dreamed of an ambulance with lights flickering passing me by. When the ambulance stopped, I looked into it and saw my dog, Liam, on the stretcher receiving help from the paramedics. He was still alive but not doing well. Then, on Monday morning, the shaman said my husband had called last night, and she told him I would call him back in the morning.
Jeff said Liam was acting weird and falling over. I told him to bring Liam to the vet. Later, Jeff said Liam was struggling to breathe, and he had to put him to sleep. It was the first time I’ve ever heard my husband cry. I cried, too. I felt so sad.
My dog, Liam, was a 14 years old miniature schnauzer. He was on medication and was declining for several months. I knew he might not live too much longer. I felt super sad for the rest of the retreat, but I decided to stay calm and stay in the present moment. I didn’t want to always be sad and bring people down. Unfortunately, grief was my companion during the retreat.
The Buddhist Salla Sutta states that wailing does not attain peace of mind. It only brings grief and hurt to the body. Mourning only makes the mourner emaciated and pale. It does not help the departed. Therefore, mourning is meaningless.
The Salla Sutta continues by saying that even if humans were to live a hundred years or more, they must still yield to their lives, at last bereft of friends and relatives. Therefore, listening to the wise and the holy and seeing a beloved one departed, control your weeping. Reflect on the departure of your beloved ones by thinking that separation is natural.
We grieve because we love.
During the next few days, I realized I needed to be in control. And I have a lot of fear about my health. My roommate, Rosanne, said maybe it’s because I see dying people all the time (in my work as a hospice massage therapist). I get too concerned about my body moment by moment. It’s hard to let go. I wanted to remain in homeostasis.
The shaman said I must be more “child-like” and let go. I need to trust. But I have difficulty trusting people, especially since I am far from home. I have travelled all around the world, and I have seen people get sick, and it’s not fun.
I kept telling myself, “I must be strong and healthy” – nothing can disturb my commitment. I will let go of taking ayahuasca to remain stable.
The third ayahuasca ceremony was during the day. Again, I held the cup and prayed for my family, friends, and pets. The fourth and final ayahuasca ceremony was at night during a full moon. I decided to take a small sip. I wanted to have the plant medicine in me – to give it a chance.
Sitting on my mat, I imagined using sign language to communicate with Mother Ayahuasca. I read somewhere that Mother Ayahuasca likes to communicate in images. I signed to her in my mind, “Show me what I need to know.” I know that ayahuasca will continue to work with me in the months to come.
When I thought about what makes a good shaman, I thought of my mentor, Sister Lucy Bruskiewicz, who passed away in 2022. She deeply cared about people and honored them. She never forced things and met people where they were in life. I hope I can follow her example.
I learned a lot from the ayahuasca retreat. For example, I learned to stand on the ground despite being shaky. I saw my weaknesses and knew I wanted to improve myself. I also realized that I am strong amid peer pressure. I want to work on loving-kindness toward myself and others.
The retreat restored a sense of gratitude in my heart. I am so thankful for my health, my devoted husband, my beautiful family and friends, loyal cat, and my country.
I am happy to be home. I was born in St. Paul, Minnesota. Like shamans worldwide, I can reconnect with the land around me and learn about medicinal plants. I am home, sweet home.
In less than two weeks, I will be leaving for Peru. I will spend four days in Cusco to see Machu Picchu, and then I will spend 10 days at a retreat center in Tarapoto, located in the Amazon jungle. Currently, I’m on a diet to prepare for the 10-day cleanse, which excludes sugar, caffeine, salt, meat (no problem – I’m a vegetarian), junk food, alcohol (which I don’t consume), and dairy products. I can eat fresh or cooked vegetables, legumes, beans, rice, oats, quinoa, and other grains. Additionally, I can consume fresh fruits and juices, as well as organic eggs.
Last summer, I had booked a yoga retreat in Peru, but I changed my mind. I decided to join an ayahuasca plant medicine retreat with Dr. Mary Newstrom instead (https://www.zenithhigh.com/). I had been eyeing this retreat for a few years. However, every time registration came up, I felt fear. I wasn’t ready to work with Mother Ayahuasca.
I’m still not sure if I will participate in the four ayahuasca ceremonies during the retreat. I will follow my intuition. One of my friends reminded me that my mom just passed away in February, and I might be sensitive to energies, so I should take caution.
Another friend said I should embrace the once-in-a-lifetime experience. Nevertheless, I’m preparing for the retreat and also starting a digital detox by reducing my screen time. However, the most important thing is having an open heart and mind.
Mother Ayahuasca removes the veil to the Bardo, the “in-between” world. To enter this realm, I must become a brave warrior, one who does not fear anything, and this requires courage. One warrior that comes to my mind is St. Joan of Arc. She also received visions and messages from the spirit world, and she faced her fears.
In some schools of Buddhism, the Bardo is an intermediate and transitional state between death and rebirth. The term “Bardo” means “in-between.”
I think we can work with Bardo in our present lives. Additionally, it’s crucial to realize that the quality of our minds follows us after death, whether joyful or troubled. If we don’t work with Bardo now, we will eventually need to face it.
Ayahuasca Vine
Ayahuasca is a sacred power plant that grows in the Amazon jungle. In the Quechua language, ayahuasca means “vine of the dead” or “vine of the soul.” The vine reminds me of the Tree of Knowledge, the serpent, DNA, the stairway to heaven, and “Jack and the Beanstalk.” I’ve read somewhere (I don’t remember where) that once I decide to go on an ayahuasca retreat, I’ll already be working with Mother Ayahuasca.
Why do I want to go on the ayahuasca retreat?
Become spiritually stronger and increase my intuition.
Work on forgiveness and increase the love in my heart.
Purify my mind, body, and spirit.
Work with Mother Ayahuasca and the curanderas/shamans.
Heal, become brave, and work towards enlightenment.
Reduce my anxiety.
Open my third eye.
Experience the Bardo without fear.
Connect with nature.
The ayahuasca ceremony is similar to a sweat lodge, but instead of going into the lodge, we will go within. Tobacco smoke and incaros (singing or whistling) also bless and protect. A lot of spiritual work with ayahuasca is about remembering who we are.
There are shamans all over the world. During the retreat, I will work closely with the curandera/shaman and ayahuscera. I also realize that being near the shamans and sacred plants will allow me to absorb what I need to heal.
Now that I’m working with Mother Ayahuasca, I’ve had a few synchronicities. The first was when I read the book “Ayahuasca Medicine” by Alan Shoemaker. I looked up a video on YouTube about Alan, and I noticed the hotel he was staying at was the same one I had just booked for my weekend trip to Machu Picchu (before the retreat). The only difference was the hotel’s location—mine was in Cusco, and he was in Iquitos. The hotel we had in common is La Casona, which means “the mansion.”
The second synchronicity was Alan’s good friend in the book was named “Gina.” My name is not a common name. It may not mean anything, but I felt some sort of connection to the author.
According to Alan, most people do not receive visions but only experience a purge, which includes vomiting and diarrhea, which can still make them feel better and lighter. Therefore, medicine can work without visions. The medicine will go where it needs to go.
Additionally, Alan mentioned that a curandero in Peru informed him that the new shamans will likely be gringos or gringas (people from different countries). Many of the youth in Peru are not interested in following their ancestors’ path. But people all around the world are opening their hearts and minds to shamanism.
There will be challenges as technology continues to merge with the human mind. The main challenge is energy. Everything is energy! Unfortunately, the energy from computers is mostly negative. Computers also emit UV light radiation (blue light), X-ray radiation, and EMF radiation.
Last night, I had a message come into my mind. The message said that our world has different energies – positive and negative. If someone is on the yogi path, aware, and has a higher consciousness, the negative energies may try to disrupt the path. I could feel these energies last night.
Therefore, we must increase everything – meditation, yoga, mantras, pranayama, prayers, and positive affirmations. We need to eat from the Earth (fruits, vegetables, and organic foods – if possible). No Bioengineered Food Ingredients! Also, do not be a corpse/carcass eater.
We need to limit our time on all screens. We must find ways to purify and beautify the mind (for example, spend more time in nature).
I also received the message that we must take the yogi path seriously. The opposing forces feel strong – and it’s because we are at a crossroads with the truth about humanity. The history books are not correct. The veil is thinning. We have a past – because we are the past.
We must shine our light bright and replace fear with LOVE. If we have negative thoughts, we will replace them with positive thoughts and affirmations.
Affirmation Examples:
I have a beautiful mind.
I feel love in my heart.
The people around me (say names) are beautiful.
I have a strong mind.
I have a strong heart.
I love myself.
I love my family and friends (say names).
I practice yoga and meditation every day.
I am brave.
I have the power to change my thoughts.
Thoughts are things – so I must have positive thoughts.
I stay in the present moment (here and now).
I am healthy.
I am creative.
I am an eternal being with loving light.
Only loving light may enter my body and mind.
I am thankful for my life.
The Path, by GG through a candle the light flickers the past merges with the present the path illuminated
The birthrate is falling – not just in the US but worldwide. The main reasons cited in articles are that the cost of living has skyrocketed, healthcare is costly, and homes and rent are constantly increasing.
However, we should look at the health of women. Geeta S. Iyengar (daughter of B. K. S. Iyengar) says about women, “The wealth of a nation and the health of the future generation depend upon her physical and mental well-being.”
I am worried about the mental health of young women in this country. I don’t think women feel secure. If there is no security, women will not have children. I think young men feel the same way.
I am a big proponent of society taking care of women and children. It does take a village to raise a child. There needs to be support. Women often cannot depend on a spouse or a partner to help care for the children. Then the burden is on the woman’s shoulders – it’s just too much.
Young women today are super aware of their choices and consequences. There is no longer blind faith or peer pressure. Everything is calculated and judged. Also, the internet has opened the eyes of young women.
The internet is changing the brains of young people today. But, unfortunately, it’s adding more confusion and distraction. As a result, the simple ways of being a human are changing. For example, social interactions are changing because of computers. Many young people want to interact with their peers over social media.
If the human brain is changing, then procreation is changing too. What do we value in life? Humans may become desensitized to having children – and computers (and its applications) will be to blame.
Furthermore, many articles say that the world is overpopulated – this is BS! For example, in 2015, I spent several weeks in India. Recently, I looked at India’s official sex ratio. The records say there are 1020 females per 1000 males in 2022. I don’t believe those numbers at all! I visited four different cities in India; they have a sea of men and boys (India favors male children over female children). So, I never trust official numbers.
In the future, as human beings, we need to figure out what we want in life. Do we value human life? How can we take better care of the Earth? Do we want to integrate supercomputers and artificial intelligence into our lives?
The time is now to understand the human brain and procreation. But unfortunately, the world is in jeopardy, and the solution, this time, is not in our hands.
Tunnel Vision 8 